Learning To Breathe
by BellatrixLestrangey
Summary: Boiling Rock AU, where instead of fighting Mai and TyLee, Azula has her meltdown in front of them.


On an otherwise beautiful summer day, clear skies, golden sun, and all, many things had become painfully clear to Azula. She didn't have as much control as she thought she did. She didn't have as much power. And as she watched the gondola edge away she realized, she wasn't as much of a people person as she had initially thought.

She could already hear her father talking…

No. Screaming.

Screaming at her to regain to control. To get 'friends' back in line.

But that control was slipping with every word that poured out of Mai's mouth. "I love Zuko more than I fear you."

Didn't everyone? Everyone loved dear Zu-Zu more than they feared her. Everyone _loved_ Zuko more than they loved her. Which is precisely why fear was so important, they never would have chosen her to begin with. "Regain. Control." Ozai's voice echoed in her mind, prompting her next outburst. "No, you miscalculated. You should have feared me more." They came out just as threatening as she wanted to and nowhere near as timid and venerable as she felt.

She was going to lose everything.

With a flick of Mai's wrist and a glint of metal in that mockingly bright sunlight, Azula realized that she already had. Everything that really mattered anyways. She felt sick somehow. There was a burning in her stomach and behind her eyes, but not the pleasant kind that firebending always brought to her.

Nothing like that.

Mai dropped into a combative stance with TyLee standing meekly in the background, waiting. Acting in impulse and habit more than anything else, Azula dropped into as stance of her own. But it didn't hold. She could practically hear her father screaming at her for failing him yet again, in capturing Zuko. And this time she'd be going back to face him completely alone. With no one to confide or complain to after taking a brutal verbal lashing. Deep down, the fire princess knew that it would be more than verbal this time around—she's failed him too many times already and when his expectations had be unfathomably high. This time her voice did come out as weak and cracking as she had expected. "I don't know what he's going to do to me." And like that the world around her distorted.

Everything seemed louder—each individual sound more intense. Yet every word was unclear and who was saying what was just as so. Azula was well aware of her heart pumping, she could hear it pounding in her ears but was helpless to slow it. Even so, all she could think about was a jumble of possible things her father could say to her and a mess of images mostly tinged with fire and pain and her father glowering down at her. Just thinking about it, her chest constricted and she found it harder to breathe. She was aware that someone was talking—maybe a few people.

But she could hear any of them. Their voices—the real voices—were like background noise. An undertone beneath the imagined voice of Ozai.

And he said nasty things.

Cruel things.

All the things Azula never wanted to hear. Especially from him. Each imagined jab pierced her ego with a new intensity until the stabbing became so harsh it brought tears to her eyes. Tears that wouldn't stop coming even upon recalling where she stood and how many people surrounded her. This newfound recollection added another level of anxiety.

Too many people were watching her.

Judging her.

Too many people.

Her vision started to wane and her legs finally buckled.

She noticed Mai dart forward, probably to deliver a vengeful blow while she had the chance. But instead of the horrid physical pierce she had expected, Azula found herself being carefully lowered to the ground. She felt nauseous all the same, shaking all over and in the worst state she'd ever been in.

Azula could hear voices again, but they were as fuzzy in her ears as sight was to her eyes. She caught snippets; "—okay?" "We need to—" "—and get her inside before…" "Not yet…just give her some—" She could place whose voices they were. Perhaps they belonged to guards she'd never spoken to. Someone was rubbing her back in soft, soothing circles. Through all of the dizzying emotions and the turmoil in her head, she could feel the warmth of someone else's body. That person held her close, from the feel of it, her head was resting on that person's breast. Another person came to squeeze her arm as she let out another choking sob. A final choking sob. The second person nuzzled her cheek against Azula's tear stained one. She knew that it must be TyLee—she has felt the girl's cheek against her own enough times to recognize the sensation. All the same, it didn't make sense under the circumstances. TyLee was as furious as her imaginary Ozai.

TyLee was holding her hand now, whispering something that was supposed to be comforting. Azula tried to make it out. She latched onto those words with everything she could. They drowned out the wrathful insults she could swear her father was throwing at her.

Her vision was coming back. Though still a slightly blurred and unfocused, she could confirm that it was TyLee who had taken her hand. She was still mumbling; "Just breath. That's what my mom used to tell me. Just breath." Though painfully obvious, Azula realized that she needed the reminder. As proud as she was, she swallowed her pride and took the advice.

TyLee was gave her a reassuring smile and tightened her grip on Azula's hand for a brief moment.

The girl who held her shifted and brushed a ripple of hair away before it came to fall upon Azula. The same hand that had been poised to throw a knife or two, was now stroking her hair. Mai didn't say anything—Azula could sense the tension. She was still angry. Angry, no so much as before. Angry but open for a discussion that probably needed to occur.

"Why?" Azula asked.

"Why what?" TyLee replied.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because we care about you. Right, Mai?"

Mai sighed. "I guess."

Without thinking, Azula clutched the baggy folds of Mai's dress, as if doing so could keep her from growing more distant. She wanted companionship. She _needed_ it. She didn't want to go home alone. She didn't want to go home at all. Taking the hint Mai back peddled, "yes, we care." Her tone implied that there was a 'but'. However she opted to bring that up at a better time.

"Please don't leave me." Azula said softly.

Mai bit her lip and looked up, trying her very hardest to hold onto her anger, the anger she had every right to feel. She tried even harder to bury her sympathy. But the truth was, she'd never seen Azula so hurt before. Never seen her in such a raw and naked position. She saw the hurt. The longing. The humanity that Azula had fought to hide. "I won't leave you…"

"I'm staying too." TyLee hugged her.

"…But we have some things to talk about."

"I know." Azula muttered. She hoped against all hope that Mai would save that for another time. She was drained. Physically drained and emotionally exhausted. She didn't even have the energy to move, much less engage in a serious discussion.

"Let's get back to the airship." TyLee offered. "Get some rest and we can talk about this tomorrow?"

Azula nodded. Though sapped of all strength she pulled herself into a standing position. Her legs felt weak and her body heavy. She felt as if she'd slump over with the first step. But the other two came to ease the burden. She slung one of her arms over Mai's shoulder and the other over TyLee's. TyLee was smiling at her again. This time Azula returned it—rather she tried. She couldn't quite manage even a half smile. Though it was something. For the princess realized that they weren't there helping her because they were terrified of what she would do if they didn't. They were there because they wanted to be.

No matter how the conversation would go down, Azula decided that she would have their support, not their fear.


End file.
